He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
