Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
