Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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