I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
