I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
