i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
