I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my shit smells like andre
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
