They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
