I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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