You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
