I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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