So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
