you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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