porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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