dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
