wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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