and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize