oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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