That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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