She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
