dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
