and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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