I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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