Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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