Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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