i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
