and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
