I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
