Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he thought i was a dude.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
