I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
