i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
