I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
