we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
