The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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