I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
