Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize