fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
