ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
