Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
