don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
