please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize