its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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