I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
