And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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