Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
