billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
