He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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