Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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