My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
