just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
