His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
