the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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