atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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