I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
