Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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