I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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