I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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