He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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