dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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