We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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