my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize