Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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